The heart is a fragile organ so when it is broken, it takes time to heal a wounded heart.
As Christians, when it comes to trials and tribulations that are thrown at us in life, we must learn to find our strength in Him.
But how do we do that when our heart has been broken?
“Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seak him.” – 1 Chronicles 16:11
Healing A Wounded Heart
When you have been hurt, especially by the person that you thought you would spend the rest of your life with:
By cheating on you
By divorcing you
By leaving you
By slandering
How do you heal from it? Especially when God has asked you stand and intercede for that said person and instead of retaliating you are to act in love and hope for restoration.
The process of this calling (when you answer to the call to stand) can be extremely painful.
However, the good news is you are not doing it alone. You are not standing alone. You have God by your side, walking with you through the storm.
I recently shared about how I have healed from certain triggers that I used to have that would have me reliving my hurts all over again. These triggers would leave me debilitated and would send me to another emotional breakdown.
For years, I could NOT watch TV/movies/music that involved cheating/infidelity and any girl that share the other woman’s name (which surprise! seems to be 90% of TV /movies on air)! I banned TV watching all together!
Folks, healing your heart does not happen overnight and at the same time, I’m not sure when these things stopped becoming triggers for me!. Over time, as my heart healed, as I grew closer to the Lord, He started healing my heart and my hurts.
7 Tips To Healing Your Wounded Heart
These tips have really helped me heal from my wounds.
They are not bandaids.
The Lord’s ways of healing from my hurts was not to cover them up but to expose my hurts. Much like if you have a wound or an abscess in your body. You don’t cover it up. As a nurse, I know that you must first expose it, removing all the bacteria that is causing the infection before healing can begin. And so just like your heart, you must expose that hurt, that pain and remove anything dead or hindering it from healing before healing can begin.
” ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, ‘ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'” Isaiah 55:8-9
1. Spend Time with the Lord Daily
Meditate on His Word. I would read the Bible, sometimes I would get a reassuring Word from Him and sometimes I would not. I would pray and tell Him my hurts and just cry out to Him (most of the time it was begging Him to remove the pain). The Lord would comfort me in these quiet times with Him.
Spending time with Him is how you get to know the Lord, His character and His ways so that He can heal your wounded heart properly.
Spending time with Him, may look like:
Praying
Crying out to Him
Reading and studying His word
Journaling
2. Let Go of Fear
Let go of any preconceived fears you have such as:
*sharing your testimony
*what if your marriage will never be restored
*what if he marries the OW
*what if he divorces you
*the list can go on…
With a marriage breaking and a husband filing for divorce and dating someone else, there may be too many unknowns to count with what the future holds.
I know for me, not knowing what the future was going to be like and having fear of the worse outcome would put me in an emotional paralysis. There was too many emotions that my mind and heart could not process it and I didn’t know what to do.
What I finally came to the realization is to put my hope and trust in the Lord. The alpha and the omega. The one who knows the beginning to the end. He is the one who can only see me and you through this difficult situation.
So when you are overwhelmed with fear of what the future may hold or what your circumstances look like around you, put your anchor in the Lord and He will guide you step by step and comfort you along the way.
3. Share Your Testimony
I tried so hard to guard my heart and my hurts and not share my testimony with others.
I was so afraid to let anyone in to my story and share my testimony. I thought that if I didn’t share my stand with people who didn’t understand it, then I wouldn’t be hurt any further than I already was.
The Lord would keep nudging me to share my story and my circumstances with others but I was so afraid of what otehrs would say and possibly be judged by it.
Little did I know that hiding my story would hinder me from healing. I would fellowship with other standers (because these women understood and I didn’t need to explain my stand to them so I was “safe”). This was not the kind of sharing the Lord was leading me to. He wanted me to share to everyone regardless of what their belief on marriage was.
I disobeyed for years. I had to let go of my fear and trust God with the outcome – so when I finally shared my testimony openly, it was as if the main onion layer was peeled off and I could finally start my healing process.
As I released my fears and started sharing to anybody and everybody about my divorce, about my stand, about what God was calling me to do – layers and layers, years and years of hurt and open wounds started being healed.
“I want you all to know about the miraculous signs and wonders the Most High God has performed for me.” – Daniel 4:2
4. Timing Is Everything
When God called me to be patient and stand in the gap for my husband, I thought He was going to fix everything that same day.
Like I said, I didn’t know God back then so I did not realize that God’s timing is not our own.
Sometimes we may think God is taking too long restoring our marriage but rather there are things in our own hearts and other situations that we may not know about that God needs to move out of the way before restoration can take place.
He wants to make sure your (the stander’s) heart is right with God first before restoring your marriage.
God’s desire is for His children to be restored back to Him first and foremost and for His children not to have idols (including their marriages) stand in the way between Him.
“But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years t othe Lord, and a thousand years is like a day.” – 2 Peter 3:8
This is where your trust in God will grow, when you will continually walk with Him day in and day out waiting for your promise
5. Find A Christian Community
No man is an island and we weren’t called to do life alone.
We need a community of believers to hold us up and hold us accountable with our walk with the Lord. When times are tough and the storm is raging, you want your support to be strong and not allow you to quit your stand at the slightest sign of discouragement.
I started trying to find other Christian standers who would stand with me and understood my pain and circumstance.
How wonderful and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony! – Psalm 133:1
6. Serve
I know serving or volunteering sounds counterintuitive. Like you’re probably trying to take care of yourself and your kids, how can you possibly “give” or “serve” to others when your cup is empty?
Do you remember the story in the Bible about the woman who was about to lose her sons to debtors? She asked the prophet for help and the prophet told her – “What’s in your house?” Like, what do you already have that you can work with?
I believe God is telling us the same thing. And what I have come to know is that when you give to others, your cup gets filled. When you start ministering to others, you will also be ministered.
If you help the poor, you are lending to the Lord – and he will repay you! – Proverbs 19:17
7. Guard Your Heart
Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. -Proverbs 4:23
Guard your heart by what you take in because it can help or hinder your healing. Pay special attention to what you are watching, what you say, what you listen to, and even who you are around.
Before my marriage fell apart, I listened to secular music. I watched any kind of tv/movies that spark my interest. I did not guard what I said, nor did I pay attention to who I was around.
There was no filter to what I was letting in to my heart.
After my marriage fell apart, I first realized that the music and what I watched on tv had a lot of emotional triggers such as affairs, divorce, etc. So I stopped watching tv and instead only watched sermons online. I stopped listening to secular music and only listened to praise and worship music.
I then realized that some of the things that were coming out of my mouth did not benefit my situation. I learned that even though there were things that were happening in my life, I had to start speaking faith, I had to start speaking life into my situation.
I stopped spending time with people who were speaking negatively into my situation. I still had a relationship/friendship with them and still valued their friendship, I just did not hang around them anymore.
The bottom line, is that in order for my situation and my heart to change and start healing, I had to start changing the atmosphere in my home, in my car, and most importantly in my heart.
May this blog post bless you and help you in your healing process. This post is all about healing a wounded heart.
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